1. Just because there’s more of them doesn’t mean they turn us on more
Sometimes big boobs are less sensitive than small boobs. Other parts of our body enjoy foreplay too, y’know. Why not have a little explore…
2. We don’t all have massive nipples
Some do, some don’t. Try not to act surprised, either way.
3. You’ll encounter other women being obsessed with them more than other men
Sure, we might get a few gawps from the fellas, but the women will have a whole chat with us about them. They can’t get enough, and will always ask for a little honk. Just get used to this.
4. Don’t make us work to a short deadline because we can’t run anywhere.
5. We’re just “adjusting”, not doing an alluring breast-caress for you
It’s just not possible to spend a whole day in an underwired bra without having to make several gropy-alterations along the way. We’ll rummage in public because needs-must.
6. When we go on holiday with you we’re gonna end up more tanned on the front than on the back
Unless you want to dig a small well for our boobs to lay in while we lie on our front? Eh
7. Don’t be alarmed when we start playing with / fondling them
As you no doubt know, big boobs can be like great big, squidgy comfort blankets, so when we’re watching TV we sometimes wedge our hands into our bras, just because it feels lovely.
8. You will, at some point, put our bras on your head
You just will
9. You might also work your muscles a bit
10. We might complain about not being able to wear certain tops
…and not being able to buy dresses which fit our bottom half AND our top half. Our kingdom for a slinky backless top. Sigh.
11. We get that you want to put your penis in between them
Which we may oblige to, but don’t ask for it every day – it’s really not what most would call ‘a good time.’
12. Tread carefully if you’re buying us lingerie
We probably need something underwired, and we’re a million different sizes in a million different shops. A double D isn’t as big a size as you thought it was – oh, and also silky nighties don’t really work that well… and.. why don’t we just come with you.
13. We know they’re there, and they’re magnificent, but please focus on other stuff
We can’t help our massive mammaries, but we can help our wit, intelligence and sense of humour – so be thoughtful with the compliments.
14. Don’t react with such horror if we ever mention (or show you, actually, they’re not pretty) our minimiser bras
Sometimes a beautiful top NEEDS to be worn, and the fashion industry just doesn’t cater for the chestily-endowed that well yet.
15. You’ll find a lot of bras in the living room
Because taking them off once we get on that sofa is a heaven that nothing else can replicate.